An A - Z
of London

Capital Numbers

An alphabetical guide
to London


A is for 'orses
B is for Bow Bells
C is for 21st Century
D is for Dome
E is for Escalator
F is for Fog
G is for GLC
H is for History
I is for Information
J is for Jellied Eels
K is for Keeping Safe
L is for London Transport
M is for Money
N is for Nightbus
01 for London
P is for Plague
Q is for Queen
R is for Red Route
S is for Streets of London
T is for Thames
U is for Underground
V is for Villages
W is for WestEnders
X is for Charing X
Y is a Year in London
Z is for Zoo

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F

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F is for Fog


Fog: A form of weather forever associated with London. Not of course that the capital is ever plagued by peasoupers rolling in off the Thames, but instead a faulty view of the American film industry. Hollywood never saw any need to make a single London film on location when they could simply camouflage their existing sets with dry ice, stick a policeman and a red postbox on a street corner, and then get Jack the Ripper to emerge menacingly from the all-enveloping mist.


Rainfall: The other form of weather most associated with London, again due to the stereotypical foreign view that all London businessmen walk around carrying umbrellas and wearing bowler hats. Instead London is in the driest corner of the UK, and businessmen are more likely to be using their umbrella on the streets of London to prod stereotypical foreign tourists out of their path.


Temperature: With the largest concentration of people, houses and industry in the country, Londonís temperature is usually a couple of degrees above that of the surrounding area. The one exception to this is on the underground network, where in the summer the temperature soars to be a whole ten degrees higher. Travellers overheat in overcrowded conditions that the EU would instantly ban if only the passengers were cattle. Meanwhile emergency deodorants should be placed in each carriage for the curbing of toxic sweat pollution, just in case passengers should ever end up squashed nose-to-armpit with one of the capitalís great unwashed.


Snow: It never snows in London. This is a shame because a covering of snow makes central London look like a Christmas card, and covers over the fact that nobodyís swept the streets of litter in weeks.


Pressure: Thereís far too much of this in London, but not of the atmospheric kind.