Brewer's
Unoriginal 
Miscellany

10 unwritten rules of soap opera

1)     If a soap character ever looks really happy without a care in the world, they’re about to die.

2)     Whenever two people kiss, one of their respective partners is watching from the shadows.
 
3)     All soap characters work, eat, drink and procreate within 100 yards of their house.

4)     When a child actor is replaced by another who actually has acting skills, nobody notices.

5)     Unlike in real life, no two characters in a soap opera share the same Christian name.

6)     All soap characters have a dark secret, which is always exposed in the pub on Christmas Day.

7)     No characters in soap operas go to the toilet, wash their own clothes or watch soap operas.

8)     In soap operas, leaves fall off trees in January and start growing again in July.

9)     Anyone who goes visiting their aunt in Hull for a week returns a month later with a suntan.

10)   More happens in half an hour in a soap opera than happens in your life in a year.